Archived entries for Cats

From outside toilets to origami

It’s been a busy few months, which for the most part were spent helping to organise a conference and all the associated chaos therein. There were no major disasters, fortunately. The exhibition stand didn’t fall on anyone, nobody got agressive during the debate and there were no paper-cut injuries from delegates rushing to pick up a report still warm from the printer (“My apologies, sir, we’ll get you a bandage; it looks like you’ve cut yourself on ‘Preventing Injuries at Work’.”).

We’ve been settling into our new flat, helped greatly by Zoe’s parents, who came over for a few days and transformed the place from a rather disorganised, space full of boxes and clothes to a welcoming living quarter with pictures on the walls, proper kitchen tools and even homemade curtains.

They’ve even cleaned up the outside toilet on our balcony. Outside toilets have always for me been dark and scary places. I had an outside toilet in the house I grew up in, and I’d regarded it as the sort of unappealing place to which I might go only if I really, really needed to. Even then, shivering from the cold wind blowing all around, it was all but impossible to get anything constructive done. You’d need to go in there with the sort of reckless urgency which is usually followed by a white-knuckled gripping of the toilet seat and at least one return journey.

The toilet on our balcony is now so clean and sparkly, people will be queuing to use it.

Even the spare room is looking warm and inviting, now with curtains and a bookshelf. This is a good start, because in most houses, the spare room often falls into the same category as the outside toilet: one of The Lonely Places. It’s the sort of place you go into, and don’t quite know what to do once you’re in there. You put your bag on the bed, maybe take your jacket off, and then…what? Wander over to the window, perhaps. Look at the bed. Have a peek into the cupboad (“Yep. Empty.”).

Maybe there are a few books in there, but you can almost guarantee that they’re not going to be the thrilling page-turners you’re hoping for. Try as you might, ‘Adventures in Origami’ just doesn’t keep you gripped until the last page. In fact, by the time you get to ‘Crouching Frog’ the book’s back on the shelf, and you’re starting to inspect the cupboard in the manner of the quietly insane.

Then, of course, someone calls you down for tea, or a glass of wine, and you’re reminded once more of what makes a house a home: The smells in the kitchen, the photos, the alarming crashing sound as Grandad trips over the cat again.

We’d like to forget the Forty-Seven Laws of Paper Folding and concentrate on the sort of charm and character that makes places feel like home. We’re getting there.

 

 

 

 

Feelin’ that Feline vibe…

I have in front of me an advert from Monday’s Daily Mail, a newspaper which I like to skim through in the same way that other people like to peer in at the windows of the local lunatic asylum; we observe, fascinated, as we wonder what on earth goes on in the minds of those on the inside.
Anyway, the advert caught my attention so I thought I’d share it with you. It is entitled:

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CAT

and the advert concerns, as you might have guessed, a book on how to do exactly that. The theme of lunacy will, I’m afraid, feature quite strongly in this post; check out the first line of the article:

“Listen! You cat is talking to you – your cat is telling you how much she loves you.”

Next stop, schizophrenia.

Imagine, if you will, a lonely man in his fifties, living with Tubbs, his only friend who also happens to be his cat. If I were that lonely man, without the regular checks on my sanity provided by a social life or regular family contact, I might very well believe the above sentence. I’d be encouraged by an advert which then went on, in a warm, reassuring manner, to inform me that

“…the special friend who shares your life has so much to say to you.”

I mean, put like that, who needs conversations with people?

There’s scientific evidence, of course. After all, you’d expect only the greatest scientific minds at work on a book that claims answers to such profound riddles as “Why your cat blinks”.

The promoted book, Your Talking Cat, introduces the reader to a “celebrated cat-assisted therapist”, who has, according to the advert, documented hundreds of experiences of cat-human interaction, which will help you “discover the true depth and strength of the bonds of affection that exist between you and your cat” for a “deeper, more loving relationship”.

I don’t really want to dwell on all the possible ways the above sentence could be interpreted, for who knows where this book could lead to when combined with a strong drink and an even stronger imagination on a cold, lonely Friday night…



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