Receipts and revolvers

The last few weeks, we’ve read about daggers, bloodletting and repeated mentions  of “handing over the revolver.” Not to mention the “torture” and those who have already “fallen“.

Is this some sort of brutal military prison in the middle of a desert? A war zone? A new film, perhaps involving drugs, gangs, sadomasochism and a close-call car chase?

You’ll realise that of course I’m talking about the UK government and the scandal over MPs’ expenses, currently making all the news in Westminster.

Of course, I can see the appeal for the media in using the most vivid language possible, but are we not making our politicians feel even more sorry for themselves by describing their ordeal over financial fiddling as if it was some epic war saga? Just imagine if this sort of language applied to the rest of us:

Dave: “It was only 50p to pay for a pint of milk on the way home, Mike, but they’ve noticed the petty cash tin’s been unusually light since Monday. Do you think you could top it up a bit, do us a favour?”

Mike: “Sorry, Dave, what’s done is done. I know you thought you could get away with it and all, but if I were you I’d work something out quick or things might get pretty nasty if you’re not careful. I wouldn’t want to be here when the boss comes in tomorrow morning, could end up with blood everywhere.”

Pete: “I think he’s right, you know, Dave. Might be quicker to…well, it’s your call but there’s a revolver in the stationery cupboard and we can all plan to get the ten past five train home if it would help…”

Dave: “Well, lads, do you fancy twisting this dagger in my back, while you’re at it? I was counting on you both to help sort me out over this whole I-just-fancied-some-fresh-milk fiasco. Tomorrow’s going to be a right festival of torture, I can tell you.”

Mike: “It’s every man for himself in this office, Dave. We already lost Jim to a thoughtless pub lunch, remember? If we get involved, the boss will only think that we’re all in this together. With any luck you might just be able to weather the storm and still come crawling out of this one without too many fatal injuries.”

Pete: “Best of luck to you, Dave. It’s by the printer paper if the shame gets too much.”